It is important to treat one’s former spouse and the marriage you shared with them with the respect they deserve. It’s a wonderful position to take. With that stated, the years and life will pass, and you’ll need to put your marriage and divorce, as well as your post-divorce identity, into context.
This is what I’ve learned from my divorce, and I hope it helps people who aren’t yet able to express their feelings.
1. Divorce and marriage are both highly humbling experiences.
2. Iddah is excruciating. It feels like an eternity. Some days it feels like you’re in prison. It’ll be over soon. Expect to feel both relieved and perplexed afterwards. It takes some time to find a new balance.
3. Say a prayer. Pray till you have a firm heart.
4. You occasionally have the feeling that your heart is going to murder you while you’re sleeping.
5. You will experience a shift in your identity. You can’t return to your pre-marriage existence. You’re no longer single. You’re no longer married. Until you remarry, you will be divorced.
6. Stigmas exist in society. Try to wrap your head around it. Prepare a response to the question, “why didn’t your marriage work?” People are seldom satisfied with their answers. You’ll get used to it. When people ask you why you’re divorced, it stops feeling like a slap in the face.
7. Don’t rush into finding a new relationship to fill the void. You’ll need to calm down emotionally.
8. Refrain from being engrossed in a battle of slander and malice.
9. Take each day as it comes. The first six months are the most lonely and void. It could take years to fully recover from a loss.
10. You have the ability to create new dreams. Yes, it is terrible to see the dreams that you have to let go. Give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself that everything is fine.
11. No one intends for their marriage to end. Never think of yourself as a loser. On some days, you might feel like it. You are not a loser.
12. Having good friends and a strong support system is beneficial.
13. Divorce can make you feel as if your life has been flipped upside down. You’ll have to rediscover your sense of self actualisation. It takes time and effort to achieve. Don’t lose faith in yourself.
14. Marriage alters your perspective on life. Divorce might also make you jaded. Make sure you don’t become trapped in your healing process. Check in with your emotional self on a regular basis!
15. Make sure you’re healing properly. Seeking professional aid should not be viewed as a sign of weakness. There is a significant difference between someone advising you from their own perspective and a counsellor who has been trained to consider your personality type — you will be better equipped with tools to help you overcome your obstacles.
16. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. It’s all right. You’ve lost your partner. Yes, they are still alive and well, but not allowing yourself to process loss will appear in other forms, such as anger. Hatred, for example.
17. Divorce isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you. Yes, it’s sad and upsetting, but you’re not a social outcast. You married with the best of intentions. For the right motives, you did the right thing in the right way. You and your partner had a Halal relationship. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Qadr-Allah. The circumstances are as they are.
18. Take care of yourself. Really. When you’re vulnerable and disoriented, you’ll need it the most. You’ve lost your balance. You must revisit emotional upkeep on a daily basis. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to simply “get over it.” Time is a wonderful healer.
19. Things do not improve overnight. There could be a lot of sleepless nights and tear-streaked pillows. You’ll have to teach yourself how to walk in big girl shoes.. on your own. It won’t go away, but accepting that life has taken a different path and that you no longer have control over it becomes less painful.
20. Look after your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Thank those who have helped you along the way. Thank them when things have calmed down. It is empowering to learn thankfulness for all facets of your life.