Love Marriages

~ Question ~

I had a question. I am newly married and prior to marriage, my father in law was not happy with the marriage for various reasons against my family as he is against love marriages and wanted to choose a wife for his son. Every step of the way, he found problems as he believes his way in everything is correct and is unwilling to accept that someone else may do things differently.

After 3.5 years of trying to get married, we married in June 2021. However it has now been over 7 weeks that I have not seen my family. I was due to go see my family for a week but my father in law has put me in a predicament and told me that it is my decision if I want to go but I must remember that I need to uphold the respect of the house. He wants my brothers to attend the house and seek his forgiveness. They have once done this before but he was not satisfied.

He has shown no mercy since entering the house as he has had no dialogue with me and is aware that I lost my father not so long ago. He is saying if he doesn’t go then neither can my husband have a relation with my family.

My husband is not so supportive of me and sways very quickly towards his parents. He argues with me but never addresses his fault and is very aggressive in nature.

I need advice as to what to do.

~ Answer ~

This is the case in a lot of love marriages where extended family does not accept girl and unfortunately wife has to suffer a lot.

As  you are now the part of this family , they must have to accept you whole heartily  and not to impose unethical, non-Islamic sanctions on you, instead, have to behave well and develop Islamic ethos at home.

It is your husband duty to make sure everyone at home regards you as you are his wife and he needs to analyse the whole situation, convince his parents and other family members. He needs to keep talking to you and his family to bridge the gap and take all in to his shoulders and not let anyone hurt you.

Its only to open hearts for each others, respecting each other and create lovely atmosphere at home. I advise you to be patience from your side as its the beginning of wedding and things need time to be settled. You too need to show your best of character.

Allah knows best

Imam Amjad Aziz Al-Azhari