Arranged Marriage

~ Question ~

I agreed to marry a girl from back home after seeing her picture however, the next day onwards I felt terrible as I realised she wasn’t for me and I was making a big mistake. I spent the next two weeks overcome with emotions realising that I had made a mistake.

I was going to speak to the person mediating the marriage back home and I thought this was my chance to set matters right. When the person mediating called, they were at the girls house with the whole family there and I could not say anything at the time.

It was just an introduction but I still felt terrible so at this point I called the mediating party and expressed my feelings. I did not hear from them in two weeks so I thought the everything had been called off at the time. However they called again and as I was still overwhelmed with emotions, I agreed once again.

After this point, I still felt extremely terrible and I explained to my family that I did not want to marry this girl as I know I will not be faithful to her and it was a wrong thing to do as she won’t be happy and neither will I. They tried comforting me at first but somehow I’m still feeling like they are trying to make this work behind closed doors. Its driving me crazy as I’m overthinking the situation.

What advise can you give me on this matter and how can I go about this? I know I was in the wrong to agree in the first place without thinking it through and I understand where I’m at fault but I’ve asked Allah for forgiuveness. I just want this to end so I can move on with my life as I’m not getting a definite answer from anybody.

~ Answer ~

This is the case amongst of a lot of young people in the UK who go for the option of marriage from back home or other countries outside of the UK. In a marriage, we have to follow what our beloved Prophet (PBUH) told us. People get married to a woman for the sake of her wealth, status, beauty and religion and He (PBUH) advised to prefer marrying a woman for the sake of her Iman. Within our current society, we don’t look these factors and just make decision based on superficial features.

I advise you to be brave and to analyse your case with an open heart and without any confusion. You need to ask yourself the following questions:

1. What do I want?
2. What qualities am I looking for in a girl?
3. Do I want to marry a girl from back home?

Besides that, you need to open up to your parents and explain to them clearly what do you want in the woman you marry and also pray from Allah to bless you with the best life partner.

Allah knows best

Imam Amjad Aziz Al-Azhari